The one question no one is asking in the current climate crisis is, “how does this affect the vampire population?“ Scoring an exclusive interview with Peter and Ursula, the now internet-famous influencers and #vanlifers, our narrator details their evening in Yosemite National Park with a pair of vampires. In this satirical short story, we will learn about Peter and Ursula’s experience as vampires, their unique risks as the climate continues to change, and how they plan to use their celebrity to influence public policy and help the climate insecure. This story presents itself as an interview where the reader will go through the well-documented challenges of vampires among us and new issues arising from climate chaos. A continuation of the fictional evolution of vampires, following in the footsteps of Anne Rice’s Interview with a Vampire, this story shows a different class of vampires. Socially conscious environmentalists with an eye for photography and a growing online brand, these influencers are looking to bring the vampire community into the light.